Will & Harper - lessons about self-image

How you see yourself is how you present yourself to the world, but what if the two don't always align?

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I love Will Ferrell, and was in the mood for a documentary, so down I sat to watch Will & Harper (Netflix).

The documentary was fascinating to me because it touched so brilliantly on how much suffering we may experience until we feel at home in our own skin. Until we do, it's the road less travelled all over again!

From watching the documentary, I know that people feel very strongly about the idea of transgender people. They are either in full support or in full disagreement, but even though I am a firm believer in letting people be who they need to be (or become), this email is not about that. It's about a journey we must all take when we take on the journey of change.

Harper Steele was born Andrew. She was a writer for TV and had a jolly good life roaming across America, being who she was back then. One day, Will Ferrell received an email from Andrew, telling him he had transitioned as a woman, her name being Harper, and hoping their friendship could survive this turn of events.

The movie follows Will and Harper as they travel across the States, visiting the same places Andrew used to visit, and being very vulnerable to what might happen when people notice the woman who was once a man in their midst.

Some of the places, let me tell you right away, were scary and angry. I can't even imagine what it was like for Harper stepping back there and the courage and bravery she displayed. For the rest of it, this is what I want to write about, and I hope you stick by me as we explore what it's like to go through life when your self-image has not been adjusted to your new size yet.

From the little I know about transgender people, I know that they talk about being born in the wrong body and not feeling at home with the gender they were assigned to at birth. As an immigrant myself, I can 100% relate to that, although my past can often remain a mystery; for some, it really can't.

On the one hand, Harper is confident. You can see she's taken a step to correct something that started by mistake. On the other hand, she has to face the outside world, as every person who meets her has an opinion. If it's positive, it adds to the growth and self-acceptance; if it doesn't, the turmoil is doubly deep because it's not only the vulnerability of putting yourself out there, but it's also about daring to do something so many are still allowing themselves to be verbally loud against.

Self-image is, very simply put, the way we see ourselves. When you meet me, you may or may not know about my farm-like upbringing, but on certain days, that upbringing and that self-image both catch up with me even when it's been years and I've moved on many a time. Sometimes, when I put myself out there, be it on a podcast interview or even as I work with my clients, I am sometimes reminded of the person I once used to be and how far I've come.

Back to Harper. You can see so clearly the two layers of what she's been through internally vs how she is towards the outside world, where validation and safety kinda go hand in hand. If you don't approve of her actions, who's to know how far you'll be willing to take this?

As I was watching the documentary, all I wanted was for her to go and have a haircut. She dresses as her new self, but she still carries herself as her old self, and when you're in the process of becoming, you really want to claim the quick wins of a haircut and wardrobe early on in the process. This might just be my personal opinion, but I felt that if she had fully stood behind the process, she would have attracted a lot less negative attention. NOT that she needs to be accepted or buy into external norms, it just felt like she was so vulnerable yet not helping herself mitigate the attention she was receiving.

It's a delicate subject, and I fully stand behind Harper and anyone who wants to change into being who they feel they are meant to be. I know that some people reading this will be annoyed or outraged, but what I really want you to take away from all of this is that you have no control over who you were born to, when and who to, but you have (or should be allowed) to have full control over how you live your life. People like Harper risk so much in becoming who they feel they really are, the least we can do is show up with patience and acceptance, just as you would want it to be if this were the other way around.

Last word on self-image...
It's a dynamic thing that changes as you do, and it's the most natural thing to feel the gap between where you are and what you are becoming, or the other way around - where you want to be and where you are still.

We can make it easy on ourselves when we realise we've reached our upper limit and are stepping into the unknown. We can visualise what it would be like when we get there. We can be patient with ourselves, and we can reassure ourselves that if it's on the card and we are excited by it, it must be our way forward.

Remember that in the bigger scheme of things, it's in our nature to be accepted, to do the 'normal' thing, and also, not to be judged, criticized or banished, and with all of that, we have our inner knowing that we're meant for more, be it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, so really - be kind!
To yourself, to others, to the environment. We're all trying so hard, even those who are doing or being things that are different to us!

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This week in Healing Conversations...

This week in Healing Conversations, I connected with the lovely Marika Murray to talk about the diagnosis that changed everything, and which can help change your life, too!

In today’s episode, Marika Murray shares her deeply personal and transformative journey with Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS).

From a childhood spent grappling with unexplained symptoms and the frustration of not being believed, to finally finding validation and answers through functional medicine, Marika opens up about what it’s like to live with a misunderstood and often invisible illness. She explores the profound impact our environment can have on our health, the power of trusting your own intuition when it comes to your body, and the importance of listening—both to ourselves and to others going through similar struggles.

If you or someone you know has been given a vague diagnosis like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue with little hope for improvement, Marika’s story will resonate. Her insights into the challenges and breakthroughs of her ongoing healing journey bring hope and encouragement, with practical wisdom for anyone looking for answers outside traditional medicine.

Join us for an eye-opening conversation about resilience, self-advocacy, and the emerging understanding of how chronic illness can be approached and, most importantly, managed.

More about Marika:
Marika Murray is a certified health and wellness coach, energy healer, and the founder of Undiagnosed Society, a nonprofit dedicated to raising awareness for Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS). After decades of debilitating mystery symptoms and medical gaslighting, Marika was finally diagnosed with CIRS—and turned her pain into purpose.
She now advocates for those still searching for answers, blending humour, holistic healing, and wisdom to educate and empower. Whether she’s healing, spending time with her cats or building tools for the chronic illness community, Marika is proof that healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.

Social Links:
1) Website: https://www.undiagnosedsociety.org
2) YouTube.com/@Undiagnosed_Society
3) instagram.com/undiagnosedsociety/
4) tiktok.com/@undiagnosedsoc
5) x.com/UndiagnosedSoc

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You may also be interested in...

A few years ago, I was commissioned to write this eBook series, selling on the e-learning platform Bookboon.
The books talk about ways to help your team become more confident and empowered, by guiding you (as either the manager or a team member) to follow your flow and harmony (rather than fears, expectations, appraisals, etc)
The links to the 4 books:
1. Finding your authentic self
2. You are limitless: play to your strengths
3. Communication styles that work
4. Believe it! You are good enough

And also...

I was talking with my favourite person in Texas the other day, and this challenge came to my mind as a truly brilliant way to help us put in more walking and movement.
This company is called The Conqueror, and this is how it works:
- you choose your challenge (I did the Mount Everest one, just because of the destination and how cool the medal was!! - see image below)
- You sign up
- You download the app
- You start walking
Your phone tracks the distance you cover, and shows you a map with where you are on your journey, also showing you other people doing the same journey and where they are at. You get sent virtual postcards from milestones you cross, and at the end, you receive your brilliant medal!! You can also do the challenge in a team, each of you contributing steps to the final goal.

So if you feel like moving is a challenge, maybe this can help get you there.

Just so you also know, I am not affiliated in any way with this company - just sharing something I tried, loved and highly recommend :)

(here's mine...)

Dottie's Corner

I'm doing much better now after my operation, thank you all for asking and for sending me all the best wishes - you can see from my face how much I appreciate it all!!
This week was a little annoying, as I am confined to the ground floor and not allowed to jump up the stairs, bark at my neighbour's dog or even lie in the sun on my carefully chosen bit of bare ground!
The HUUMANS are making a real fuss over me, which I must say, even though it's not unusual, I am enjoying it a lot. They've been told to watch it with the treats so I don't put weight on, but I manage to arrange things in a way that they each think they're the only one to give a treat... yum!

Client's best quotes

People are always curious about the kind of stuff I work with my clients on, and so each week I bring a quote that helps share the healing wins people have after we work together.
If you'd like to know what we could do together to help you on your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual journey, then get in touch, here: https://calendly.com/einav-4/coaching-discovery-call

I've worked with people to help them heal all sorts of medical conditions - mostly ones the doctors couldn't find drug-free solutions for. Examples?
- Fibromyalgia
- Psoriasis
-Enlarged Prostate
- Cancer (breast, lung, Lymphoma)
- Colitis
- Chronic headaches /migraines
- Chronic back, neck shoulder pains
- Eczema
- Neuropathy
- IBS
- Sleep problems
- Thyroid problems
- Chronic Fatigue
- Long Covid
- Vertigo
- and so many more

To chat about your own conditions and how my methods can help, please book a chat using the link: https://calendly.com/einav-4/coaching-discovery-call

einav x